Mcbo0bies On Your Face :)

tris-in-wonderland:

Lemony Snicket’s short letters for his dead ex-fiancee written in his books “A Series of Unfortunate Events

DAD OMFG

(Source: oliviarrrr)

113,707 notes | 2 months ago

1579

163414

miguefe25:

qelato:

ramirezbundydahmer:

alaskanshenanigans:

thingsstonerslike:

Pizza Fries

HOW IS IT THAT I’VE BEEN ON THIS EARTH FOR ALMOST 21 YEARS AND I’VE NEVER HEARD OF PIZZA FRIES OMG OMG OMG

NEED THESE.

wat omg

Now I’m fucking hungry

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‎Mom hands me phone to answer

Me: Hello?
Telemarketer: Hello, is your mother home?
Me: I have no mother.
Her: Well can I speak to your father?
Me: Yeah, which one?
Her: Which one is home?
Me: Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.
Her: Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?
Me: No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.
Her: So who's Antonio?
Me: I just told you, Carlos's ex.
Her: So Carlos was cheating?
Me: Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.
Her: So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?
Me: No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.
Her: So Mark wasn't cheating?
Me: I never said that.
Her: Yes, yes you did!
Me: No I didn't.
Her: Y-yes! You did!
Me: Did what?
Her: Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.

130,637 notes | 2 months ago

ohwhatprovidence:

ohwhatprovidence:

one time, my sister accidentally sent a picture of her new dog to the wrong number and the recipient was real upset about it

earlier this week, my sister realized that it had been an entire year. she had a new dog and thought he might want to see

then her friend sent him a picture of her cat since he seems to really love animals

i just sent him a picture of my neighbor’s dog, sergeant

now we wait

he mad

(via meow5ki)

83,086 notes | 2 months ago

iamthewight:

thenoodlebooty:

SOMEONE FINALLY GIFFED THIS I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY IT IS MY FAVORITE COMMERCIAL IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH

This is seriously my favorite commercial EVER. Only reason that I reblogged it.

(Source: topswanson, via meow5ki)

46,815 notes | 2 months ago

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Mcbo0bies On Your Face :)

‎*Mom hands me phone to answer*

‎Mom hands me phone to answer